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Beautiful Toilet, Here I come
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| Beautiful Toilet, Here I come |
| 03.28.04 (6:28 pm) [edit] |
Holy shit.
Welllll, right now I don't have much time to rant so I'll just post something I wrote earlier. I was thinking about how I cannot stop feeding my face and sticking things in my mouth like coffee, drinks, cigarettes, food, chocolate, gum, ANYthing. I think its a throw-off of the whole "filling the void" thingn, but more than that, i think its all part of my neurotic ways of dealing with pain and depression and Lonliness...Just filling up the space that could be filled by someone close to me...
I am sick of my sickness
I am tired of wasting away
by myself
So lonely that it impedes any motivation
to go out into the world and meet others
So as to thwart The Big Lonely.
Vicious cycle.
I eat myself until I am
Nothing.
Are there any crumbs left
That I haven't already gotten my
vacuum-face into?
Hoover, me.
Yeah. Something like that.
Right now I have to pee so badly right now but I want to keep writing and I don't want to lose this spot at a puter.
Today, gp and i did some fun big art piece. gluing, nailing, poloroid-taking...It was fun. I keep wanting to be doing arts, so it was a good time. then we went and ate good cheap mexican food at a place that doesnt speak much english, and we don't speak much spanish, so it kinda felt like being in another country again for a minute. Fun.
Oh, the need to urinate is overwhemling....
The other night I met a girl. She is travelling, stopping in austin for who-knows-how-long. Staying at a friends' house. We walked the trail around the lake, we went to a toy store. it was fun, she is nice. we had a very awkward kiss that was not so great. Damn. Hopefully, it was just nerves or something...We were supposed to meet up last night but didn't call each other, so....we'll see what happens....Aat least it gives me hope!
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