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| I WISH every day was like sunday.... |
| 05.16.04 (7:24 pm) [edit] |
But today wasn't silent or grey at all. I DID go to that party last night. And I met some amazing people. Who are moving away on Wednesday. That's why the party happened in the first place. This is how life goes.
I took a shower around 9:45/10 p.m. I hopped in the dark green 1995 Ford Escort that I get to bop around in for the next couple of days. Have I mentioned I got my license back?! The bastards realized their mistakeS. Good. Anyway, so I am in the car, rocking out to Iron Maiden (always puts me in a good mood). I glide down I-35 with the windows down-allowing that warm Texas wind to freshen my disposition. I stop by the 7-11 near the party neighborhood. I grab a tall boy of OE (cuz I gots ta play it old school sometimes--esp. when there was nothing else that lit my fancy--and its only a buck 30. Rock. I run into this kid outside who's spare changing and I give him a little and pet the dog he's hanging out with. I realize that I've met this dog before, down on 6th street last month or somethin'. Shanks is the dog, the dude he was with was this travelling guy called Puck. But I guess Puck left town again, and left the BEAUTIFUL rednosed pit mix with his girlfriend. Who HAPPENS to be this chick I used to work with at the wierdass telephone calling place. This is NOT the 1st coincidence of the evening. I try to get the kids to come with me to the party, but they've got plans. The boy's finding this dude who's letting him stay on his couch that night, the chick is wandering 6th street with that incredible dog. O.k. I'm off.
To the party. Couldn't remember [i]exactly[/i] where it was, but I found it anyway. I'm good at finding parties. Its something I learned a while back. Hehheheh. So yeah. Bust out the OE in the brown bag [i]of course[/i], and rock it. I instantly met some people that I got along with swimmingly...And I saw the kids that invited me--I felt comfortable there...Even by myself...I met some really great kids. This one kid was REALLY feeling me. ME!!!! I mean, heelllooooo, this does not happen to me. I was so fucking flattered I could'nt even stand around him for more than a couple of minutes. I chatted with people here and there...I saw some others that I used to work with at the same place...! I got involved early on in the evening with these 2 kids--a chick and a dude...The dude was DEFINITELY trying to get into HER pants-and at one point, we were talking about all making out together. It was really funny how it was. Itw as all so casual and like whatever, no pressure or anything wierd. It was pretty fun just all flirting-even though we never ended up making out. I do not regret that, seeing as I found the guy to be pretty into himself (surprise, surprise), pretentious, blah blah blah, "I used to have a coke habit that's why I'm so skinny. I used to listen to punk all the time..You know...screeching weasel, the clash, the ramones are the best blahblahblah, i am so beautiful blahblahblah." that sort of thing. Ummmmmm, did you say PUNK, cuz I think, well maybe I'm being a dick, but...Ohhhh I dunno. Whatev. I don't htink you were a "punk" if you actually honestly consider yoursefl to be POSTpunk, I.e., "punk" was just somethign that you took a dip in for a while like a pool or something...I mean, even if you don't dress liek it anymore, there are ways that people act that seem to indicate how they grew up...And if you "were" (pat-tense) a "punk"....Like this kid "was a punk but not till i was like 18 or 19". What? Waht are you talking about? All of a sudden you foudn yourself a punk? at that age? i dont hink so, honey. Mayeb you like the music and how "free" the whole culture seemed, but YOU...I dunno. I know I sound like one of those punker-than-thou kids, but I don't think I have to be non-judgemental about this character I met last night. I mean, I guess his day could have been wierd, or maybe he was in a mood or something. All I know is that anyone I've ever met that is or grew up with "punk" (oh lord you know how much I hate labels, hence the quotations marks butchya gotta have words to relate to others with) has never considered it totally and completely gone form their lives, i.e., referring to it in the past tense, i.e., "I was a punk". Right. ya get me? I may not be making much sense to anyone but myself...ANYWAY, continuing on...:
The funny thing is that the gal was so fucking rad and she was talking lewdly and bawdily and raw all night long and she wouldnt let him have her at all. She just says whatever she wants to and whatever she's thinking to whoever-and she DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT. She obviously wasn't trying to tease him or anything. She was just being herself. Very open and honest and it blew me away and reminded me of people I knew, and how badly I miss those kinds of folk in my direct, every day life. ESPECIALLY now that I'm working at Quizno's in the business district, which is laden with uppity and not-so-uppity-but-still-v ery-surface customers/situations that "require" most people to act that way. SO. I was absolutely REfreshed by this girl. I gave her my phone number and email address, and I am just praying that she didn't lose it in her drunken shananigans last night--or just simply not uses it. Cuz I think we would have fun hanging out.
ANYWAY, really I am getting to the parts that are more interesting. 1st of all, there was this homeless travelling hippie-guy there who, I shit you not, USED TO LIVE IN THE SAME CO-OP AS I DID IN MY HOMETOWN. We just lived there a year or so apart, so we wern't housemates, really...But I thought I recognized his crazy eyes and swarthy appearance from somewhere....Around my town, I guess. That was nuts. BUT GET THIS. THIS is even nuttier:
THE GUY WHO FOUND ME SO ATTRACTIVE (he kept saying things to me all night that flattered me BEYOND belief...I mean, I haven't been spoken to in that respectful, lusty way in.....damn. MONTHS. Months. and months. It was so fucking awesome. So I didnt plan on it, but that's the best way, I guess. That's right, we did it, and I am psyched. He is an incredible person--someone I can see myself being very close friends with if we kept in touch...Really, I couldnt have hooked up with anyone better, I do believe. And he as well as a few others there reminded me of some of my pals back home, which always makes for an immediate response, be it good or bad. This was all good, though. Phew. The circumstances, the moment, the mood, everything was just great. It all just fell into place like life is supposed to do for us. His mind has got its own planetary system, i think. By this, I mean to say that he is [i]intensely[/i] bright and articulate and interesting and down to earth at the same time. Really fab. We got along very well, very naturally. However, and I'm wondering what the deal is with this...I was thinking a lot of the time we were doin' it that I wished it was a girl, or Curtis. I am such an asshole. But we cannot help our instincts. It was just going through my head like thigns do sometimes while sex is happening...I mean, he was good (for being drunk esp., AND a boy)...But, you know....I'm just such a big queer. So its just hard to be objective when you've had the most amazing dyke sex ever. Its hard to let anything else be good enough...HOWEVER, I am one who is VERY open to suggestion of all sorts, and that includes open to opportunity-of which I took with reckless abandon last night. the whole thing inspired pride and the motivation to keep me doing that (taking chances, talking to "strangers", etc.)....As well as re-establishing my sanity and general o.k.-ness. I was getting worried about me lately...I feel a lot better now. That I MADE myself leave the house. That someone could see these things in me...The things that I always think about when I get rejected or overlooked as usual (like, "but i'm so cool. and nice; and good' and smart. and fabulous!!! why did they ditch me??!!!" those kindsa things)That someone could think I was "too hot, this is TOO hot....", he kept saying...I mean, WOW. What a wonderful experience. I am so thankful. I am so glad I left the house last night!!! Cuz i almost didn't....
I know this is all mish-mash and probably is full of a lot of run-on sentences and stuff. But you know what? I dont care. I am tired as hell and my thoughts are happening jsut as I write them. ANd that's the way it is tonight.
He spoke about just BEing. and also about interesting coincidences having to do with language and feelings and experience and subconscious things we do...I can't explain it all. I just haven't been involved in this sort of talk FOR SO LONG--and with a new person-it was just so great. I am just so thankful to the Powers that Be. I feel blessed tonight. amyn. ha! :idea:
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